Dallas Stars: Five Things Fans Just Don’t Get

In the game of hockey, there’s a lot to wrap your head around, and sometimes, there are things that we just can’t.

There are still two full months until the glorious month of Hocktober. You know, when the leaves start to change color, the weather gets cool and crisp, and the air starts to smell of hockey. Well, other things too, but most of us will pick up on the hockey before anything else.

With an offseason that’s been slow but also somehow simultaneously momentous. We’ve lost and gained players, extended contracts, and seen Development Camp come and go. Most of us know the drill by now, what comes with the regular season and the post season and the offseason, and we understand for the most part what’s going on around us.

But let’s be real. There are some things that even those of us who’ve been here a while still don’t fully have our brains wrapped around yet.

So with no further ado, here are the things that most of us hockey fans still don’t understand (and maybe never will).

1. The NHL Network.

Does it exist in perfect form in some alternate fairy universe? And if so, how does one get continuous, uninterupted access to it? Once you’ve figured that out, give me the alternate directions to access it for those who aren’t Blackhawks fans.

And even then, will game times actually be announced correctly, or do those who exist in this perfect alternate universe still experience the misfortune and severe anxiety that is missing the first 5-10 minutes because someone, somewhere didn’t budget for somebody else’s overtime (which is something that most of us do seem to understand pretty well, so it’s hard to see how it continues to be such an insurmountable issue).

And while we’re on the subject, can someone give me an acceptable answer to the question of blackouts? Why must they be a thing? Why are they so obnoxious? Why do they always cover areas whose local networking stations I could not slight even if I wanted to because I live nowhere in the vicinity of them?

Why is it sometimes so ridiculously hard to watch hockey, this thing that might be the answer to world peace that is restricted so meticulously that it feels like you have to give up a limb and a firstborn child in order to view it? Some questions simply are not meant to be answered.

2. Expansion Drafts.

I see expansion drafts partly as one long scroll that rolls out containing innumerable rules written in an unreadable language, and partly as a deluge of tears at the idea of splitting up teams and players that have no business parting ways.

Please raise your hand if you have any unanswered questions regarding expansion drafts. I can’t see all your hands, but I have full faith that there are hands, and lots of them.

Good news for us, Blackout Dallas will be keeping you up to speed and informed on all things expansion draft, but for now, we’ll all just sit here in the dark together. Crying over the fear which resides in the shroud of mystery surrounding this most heinous of things.

3. All the superstitions.

Okay, I didn’t say this was a list of things we don’t believe in, just one of things we don’t understand. And if you can explain to me a plausible reason why an adult would refuse to wash a jersey that’s about three weeks past its expiration date (a reason other than noseblindness), then please do so.

The swapping of gloves without notable rhyme or reason, the pre-game rituals that not only the players, but also we as fans engage in- they make no sense! And we continue to do them even when they don’t seem to yield the desired result.

I ate ice cream before every game of the second half of the 15-16 season because I decided one game that I’d start early with the junk food therapy, and instead the Stars won. Clearly, they did not continue to win every game thereafter, but hey, we all noticed a sharp improvement in the second half of that season, right? Again, unexplainable, but not completely dismiss-able.

4. And by proxy, the real, true science of winning.

Well duh. It’s offense and defense and arena atmosphere and a million variables all rolled into one with a cherry on top. Everybody knows that. But there are really too many variables to count here, right? And that does kind of make it unknowable.

For instance, why do the Stars sometimes play horribly after coming off long breaks, and sometimes play with the fervor of an Olympic team after returning from those same long breaks?

If you were a fly on the wall, every wall, every day, maybe you could get close to figuring out a formula or narrowing it down to several different components. But for the rest of us, we’ll never really get down to the nitty gritty of why some nights are good night and some are bad.

We’ve all seen the Dallas Stars play those Dallas Stars-typical string of games where they either can’t seem to do anything right and go on an unpredictable patterened spree of win after loss after loss after win doing the same thing.

And we’ve all seen the stretches where the Stars are the best team in the league and can’t seem to beat the ones scraping the bottom of the barrel. A lot of it is psychological, and until we rummage around in each and every players’ brain consistently before and after every game and catalogue those findings, we’ll have to be content to stick to our rituals and hope they help.

5. Where the GM’s/ coaches’ heads are sometimes.

With good GMs and coaches like Jim Nill and Lindy Ruff, this is less of an issue. But don’t try to tell me that sometimes you have no clue what they’re doing, or if they do either.

When the line shuffles start to look particularly desperate, or no moves are made for that free agent you know the Stars need like they need to breathe, it can be frustrating not to understand what’s going on in the minds of the management.

must read: Stars Making All Sorts Of Appearances This Offseason

I was there last summer when I was convinced (confessions happening over here) that the Stars needed Eddie Lack instead of Antti Niemi. But when you trust the guys at the helm, it makes the not understanding a lot easier. You don’t necessarily have to understand to trust. I cite Seguin, Spezza, Sharp, and Johns as my proof.

6. And just Pierre in general.

This one’s as simple as it’ll get. I don’t understand why we need him. Anyone want to volunteer an answer? No? Didn’t think so.

So we’ve been real about things we don’t (and might not ever) understand. But let’s be real about this, too: sometimes, it’s okay to not understand. Sometimes it’s even better not to.

Next: Five Things All New Stars Fans Must Know

Once you know the scientific principles behind how a rainbow works, it loses a bit of its magic and wonder, doesn’t it? Hockey is a lot of science and a lot of cold, hard facts and knowables. But don’t forget that it’s partly magic, too.

What things in the hockey realm still confuse, confound, and annoy you at their unknowable-ness?